No words

It was a Tuesday in September, 2001. I was a sophmore at the College of Eastern Utah. I had woken up very suddenly at 7 am. There was no reason, or at least I thought, the I would wake up that early. I didn't have my first class until 9. I went back to sleep, having no idea what was happening back east.

By 8:50, I was on my way to Theater Make-up. As I got to the theatre building, my professor, and now dear friend, came and grabbed my arm and told me to come with him. A fellow student followed him and told me that the Pentagon and the World Trade Center had been hit by planes and we were under attack. We made it to the student center and I looked over at the big screen tv in the cafeteria just in time to see a replay of the 2nd plane hitting the 2nd tower. My heart sank. It was very quiet in the student center. We stood in front of the tv and watched as the towers came down. It seemed like something out of a Hollywood action film. There were no words.

Slowly, we found chairs and sat down. I sat next to Corey and tried to wrap my head around what was happening. I had been to New York only two years before. I had seen the WTC and I had seen the towers. My photo album was full of pictures of the city. I love New York. It was then that Corey turned to me and asked if I knew how to get a hold of a mutual friend of ours, who lived just blocks away from the towers. I panicked. I had several friends who were going to NYU and lived not far from were thousands of fellow Americans were now trying to run for their lives. I thought to leave to try and contact them, but Corey put his hand on my arm and said "Please stay." I looked at him and saw the bewilderment in is eyes. I can only guess that I had that same look in mine.

We watched the footage again and again of the towers being hit and the towers coming down. Then we saw the pictures of people jumping from the higher floors. I cannot say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. So many scenarios ran through my head about what the people may be thinking. Then, we heard about United 93 crashing in the fields of Pennsylvania.  When was it going to stop? How many more planes were going to crash?

I don't remember how long we sat there. But I felt comforted in knowing that he was there too. Corey Ewan became another father to me and so I felt safe. I got various e-mails from family members that day. It was nice to know that everyone was ok.  I finally got up and decided to head back to my dorm. The campus was eerily quiet. I made my way over to the journalism room first. It was a crazy hurricane of typing and the other editors trying to put together a special edition paper. Since I was the Feature Editor, I sat down and started to work.

Eventually, I went back to my dorm, showered, and felt a little lost. My classes had been canceled for the rest of the day, and I didn't want to just sit in my room. For some reason, I decided to go to the Institute building. My class was canceled for the afternoon, but I didn't know where else to go. When I got there, I found that many others had the same feeling I did. There were several couple missionaries assigned to the college, and they were all there. One of the sisters came up to me, gave me a hug and a piece of homemade sourdough bread with fresh raspberry jam. She told me that everyone could use a little comfort food on a day like this.

Here were these people, who only 60 years before, had experience another kind of attack. That year was the 60th anniversary of the attacks on Pearl Harbor. This was the 2nd time in their lives that the county had been attacked. And what were they doing? Talking to the other lost college kids and handing out fresh bread and jam. Comforting them any way they could. And yes, the bread was just what I needed.

As the days past by, the feeling of patriotism was at a point I have never seen before. Everyone was proud to be an American and no one had an issue with singing "God Bless America." It was something that hadn't been seen in this country since the 1980 hockey team beat the Russians. Candle light vigils and hope that more survivors would be found was prevalent. Unfortunately, as the hope for finding survivors dwindled, so did the feeling of comradeship. There were some heroes that emerged from that day. Firefighters and policemen were respected once again.  

And, as in all things, time has passed. The country has moved on. The pride and patriotism has diminished. We have been at war for 8 years. Our politicians have made some crappy choices that have hurt the average American. Recession and joblessness is everywhere. But...I will always remember those few days in September 2001, when there were feelings of hope and friendship among everyone who calls this nation home. That was special. And for that...there are no words.

Post Edit - My deepest sympathies to everyone who lost someone that day. I have and will continue to pray for you and your family. Your loved one died a hero, and that is something to be proud of.

Food-gasim!

WARNING!!!

THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART...

OR VEGETARIANS.

SOME PHOTOS MAY BE A LITTLE GRAPHIC

PARENTAL SUPERVISION

AND A NAPKIN IS ADVISED

AS THERE MAY BE EXCESSIVE DROOLING! 

Ok...are the kids and Vegans out of the room? 

Good!

 Mike introduced me to this amazing place over the weekend. He and his mother have been on the search for the best burger in Utah...and they found it! Welcome to Lucky 13. It's a bar and grill just west of the Spring Mobile Ballpark, home of the Salt Lake Bees. It's a clean place and the staff is awesome! Everyone is so nice and will keep that Diet Coke glass filled.

Because they are a bar, there is plenty of greasy food to choose from. But if you want a treat, order the fried pickles as your appetizer. SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL!!!! (Side note - I have always wanted to name my little girl Pearl so that I could be the SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL!) But I digress. You will not regret this. It is not just a ball of fried grease. The pickle is still crunchy. AMAZING!

Now, here comes the good part. The burgers. OH THE BURGERS! I am ruined because I will not be able to eat a burger from another place for a very long time. I had the Stinky Cheese Bacon Burger. It's a huge patty with melted blue cheese and the most mind boggling smoked bacon ever. It is crunchy and chewy at the same time. It defies the laws of food physics. 

This is what my burger looked like, accept with blue cheese instead of cheddar. And yes, that is pepper and coarse salt on the fries. The fries stayed crunchy the whole time and weren't soggy. While I was eating this little piece of heaven, I had no words. I couldn't talk. It was really that good. 

So, next time you want a real burger, GO TO LUCKY 13! And yes, they also have salads and sandwiches, and they look just as good. They also have been voted to have the Best Man vs Food Challenge. Just go, really. You will thank me later.  

So Long Summer!!!

Alright buddies...

Let's get one thing straight before 

the hate letters come in.

This summer was a lot of fun. There were many adventures and exciting moments.

And did I have my camera for any of them?

NO!

It has made me a sad panda.

But I will do my best to add pictures as I go.

They just won't be my pictures...per say. 

July was full of fun!

We had a family "Minute to Win It" competition for

the 4th of July. 

SO MUCH FUN!

The whole family participated in this. 

We also decided to stick around for the

Murray 4th of July Parade

and

Festivities at the Park.

This was the coolest thing I have been to in years.

You know how in the movies

where they show a small town

4th of July Celebration

with the whole community at the park

and a concert and fireworks?

Yeah...

You missed out.

4th of July on Center Street was amazing.

Later in the month

Gina, Wendi, Andy, Andrea, Charly and I

went camping up

American Fork Canyon.

We had a riot!

We went to Cascade Springs during our

Saturday there. Mom and Dad

came up and had dinner with us that evening.

It was really hot during the days,

but the nights were perfect!

I can't wait to go again.

Charly was this excited the whole time. He was so good

and loved being outside. I love this puppy!

(PS - This is Andy and Andrea's "child".)

August wasn't as exciting.

It finally got super hot in the Valley.

Everyone who prayed for the warm weather

sure got it...I hope you're all happy.

We did do our Habitat for Humanity fundraiser...

Got rained out but still had fun!

And we managed to get a few baseball games in

before the season ended!

Today is Labor Day.

We spent most of the weekend relaxing

and spending time with family.

My Grandma Johnson

came down for the weekend.

She's 84 and sassy as can be!

So welcome September!

I am so excited for the fall.

It's my favorite time of year.

College football,

Hockey,

Halloween!

I can't wait.

I would also like to announce that there 

are some ideas brewing here on

Still Standing.

Changes may be coming later in the year

and they will be way fun.

(No, no babies or anything like that.)

So stay tuned...

And this time I promise to 

be better about taking pictures.

Still Here

so...I am a slacker. I have been really bad about blogging this summer. there has been so much going on and I did not have my camera with me.

i will be back to blogging regularly next week. I promise!

3 Years and Counting

June 13, 2008


Three years ago today, or tomorrow, however you want to look at it,
I married my best friend. It was a Friday the 13th.
We were sealed for time and all eternity in the Bountiful Temple
by none other that President Mac Christensen,
but better known as Mr Mac, the suit guy.

It was a perfect June day. The weather was beautiful and warm,
but not too warm. There was a slight breeze and only a few
clouds in the sky. Mark Eubank from KSL Weather
assured me that the weather would cooperate with my outside
reception plans and the rest of the weekend.

It was such a calm day...and yet I don't remember a whole lot about it.
I think that's normal for brides.
But I do remember a few key things from that day.
I remember that Mike and I promised to love and support each other
and to sustain one another for all of eternity.
We promised not to judge each other, at least for the first year.
We promised before friends and family, on both sides of the veil,
that we would strive to be an eternal family. 

The Wedding Party

Three years later, we are still working on those things.

We are working on patience and understanding 

and trying not to judge each other.

Mike and I have grown so much since that day

And I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for a husband that loves and supports me.

He does everything he can to support out little family.

Mike reminds me often about the blessings we have 

and how lucky we are. 

He known how to calm me down when I freak out

and make me laugh when I am down.

Thank you for the past three years honey! 

I can honestly say I love you more

today than I did then.

And that was a heck of a lot!

My superhero!

Gotta Have Faith!

I can't believe it's been this long since I have updated this blog. A lot has happened. 

First of all, I did end up staying at my job and taking the other position. While it hasn't been the most awesome thing ever, I am so thankful that I have a job and a steady income. I will go into more of this later. 

Back in May, my sister-in-law, Jenn, and I did the Race for the Cure 2011. What an amazing 

experience it is every time I go. 

This was us at the finish line at The Gateway in downtown SLC. There were about 17,000-ish people that did the race this year and so it took a while to get to the starting and finish line. 

Now, Jenn and I are not ones to cry and really emote those kinds of feelings. So Jenn was miming how we were feeling on the inside. Seeing so many people there to support this cause was brilliant.

This was my FAVORITE! This little girl was about 4-5 years old and was the cutest thing ever!

Everyone was stopping her to compliment her on the shirt her mommy made her. Her mommy, who is holding her hand, was there as a cancer surviver. 

We also made a video as we went along to give our take on the event. Once I can get that edited, it will be posted. It will be the first ever Still Standing Vlog. 

Today I want to talk a little about faith. That is our theme this month in Primary. But it has also been a deep internal subject for me as of late. For the past three years, especially, I have had my faith tried. My faith in the Lord, in the Gospel, in other people and even myself has been tested at every turn. 

When Mike and I first got married, we went through a lot. Mike had a heart attack two months after the wedding. This meant he was unemployed and sick for almost a year. We were strapped financially. We had issues communicating. I didn't know what he wanted from our marriage, and honestly, I didn't know what I wanted out of our marriage. It was not what I has imagined married life to be. I don't blame my husband for that. I think I just had a preconceived notion of what was supposed to happen when you got married. 

My faith was tested when we tried to pay tithing. It was tried when we had to pay rent every month. It was tried when I was deciding whether or not to keep my end of the marriage bargains. But the things that were constantly there to remind me was the love of a good family, the love of a devoted husband, and the love of a Heavenly Father that would not waiver. Our parents stepped in and helped us however they could.  Our bishop was always checking up on us. Somehow, by the grace of God, we made it through that first year.

Things are a lot better then they were two years ago. Mike has a job. I am still employed. Our love for each other has grown so much. However, our faith is still tested. I guess it always will be. 

We are still trying to get back on our feet, financially. Mike is looking for a better job, but as everyone knows, the economy is still trying to recover. He is trying to get into school, but that's another area that keeps getting blocked at every turn. My car, the malibu, has been broken down for a year. We can't afford to get it fixed, registered and so on. But, we do have Mike's car and that thing has been a life saver. 

There are still times where it feels like it would be easier to just give up and stop trying. 

However, it's moments like the ones in Primary today that remind me that these trials are only temporary. 

Watching these children with their innocent and unwaivering faith and understanding of this concept reminded me that it's time to stand up, pull up my big girl panties and move on. When asked how to strengthen their faith, the kids gave the traditional Sunday School answers - Pray, Read your scriptures and go to Church. 

Aren't those the answers to so many questions in life?

By praying, you are developing a relationship with Heavenly Father. He knows us and knows everything we need, think and feel. But, we don't know all of that about Him. I have spent countless times praying, begging, pleading with the Lord to bless me with the things I think I need. In my mind, they are innocent necessities in life that will make other aspects of life better. But I guess I don't see the whole picture. Patience is a virtue that I STRUGGLE with. I want things done now and done the way I think they should be. Learning patience is what will be my life long trial.

Reading the scriptures is something that I have not always had the best habit of doing. I need to get back into that habit. Since I have gotten my new phone, I can listed to internet radio on it while I work. I like to listen to a station that plays hymns all the time. The messages that I get from the hymns and scriptures reminds me that it's all been done before. The trials that people have are the same trials that have been around since Eve ate the fruit. They are just presented in new fashions now. My issues are not unique and new. But how I choose to handle them is what makes the difference. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

It's nice to be reminded of the basics after being out of Primary for so long. 

It then reminds me that with a little faith, anything is possible. 

Knowing what I know and knowing the truth, it makes it hard to continue to be frustrated and to complain. It can all be summed up by the titles of the songs I play for the children every week:

I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus

I know Heavenly Father Loves Me

Search, Ponder and Pray

I Am a Child of God

Faith is knowing the sun will rise

Love One Another

Give Said the Little Stream

Follow the Prophets

How basic, and yet, how powerful. I guess I will try another day. I will get on my knees again tonight, but this time with a reminder that "Faith Proceeds the Miracle."

Tough Stuff

Happy spring everyone!


I know, it snowed today here in SLC, but that's not unusual for this time of year. It has only been spring for a week so we'll have to deal with it.


So...sometimes, if not often, I see my blog as a way to put down my thoughts and feelings into words and try to purge negative energy so that I can have some peace and clarity. Lately...I have been feeling a little picked on. I know that there are those in the world who would look at me and say "Suck it up, Miss Fancy Pants!" My heart breaks for the people of Japan and the terrifying events that have turned into their reality instead of of nightmare. Their lives were literally turned upside down and they are striving so hard to clean up the mess, literally and figuratively, and get on with life. 


However, I am but a human and therefore have weaknesses. Call it self preservation or a pity party...that changes from hour to hour. But here goes cyber land!


Last Thursday, I was notified that my position was being dissolved. With that, my choice has been to move to another department or have two weeks to find another job. I was heart broken. I have worked at this company for 4 1/2 years and have devoted so much time and effort to it, all to be voted off the island. There have been so many red flags just blaring out that this was going to happen. Once again, they are stupid little things. My company hasn't been making bank like they have the past few years. Thanks to legislation passed by the federal government, Medicare has had to become a lot more stringent on their policies and pay outs. Therefore, we aren't making the money that we should right now because of the new DME policies. So, they started by making cuts in certain departments. Mine was the first.  


There are 5 people in my department...but I was cut. I could go on and on about how I feel this is unfair and because I have worked really hard to be there. I could say that it was a ploy to get me out or that certain people feel threatened by me as far as their job goes. But it doesn't do any good. The decision has been made and now I have to make my own: Do I stay and move back to the department I came from or blow that Popsicle stand?


If I choose to stay, I will move back to the department that made me want to stab people in the jaw and karate kick them in the crotchal area. The whole tone of the office is different and I would be going back to my old job. I didn't want that job in the first place. The problem is? I know the job and can do it with little re-training. 


I am thankful that I have been given a choice to actually stay where I am and still have a job. My pay won't be affected much and my hours would stay the same. I just feel like the kid that no one wants on their team, but they pick me because they kind of have to. And the best part of this? I have to let them know by tomorrow morning. 


I haven't been back to work since Thursday. I cried all the way home then. I cried to my husband and then went and cried to my parents. I received a wonderful blessing from my father saying that things will work out and to have faith. Mike has been trying to be supportive, but he blames himself for not having a better job so that I can just quit. Needless to say, there have been some not so friendly words about the situation. 


So...do I stay or do I go? I have been looking for another job for about a month now but have only gotten rejection letters. If I had a prospect, I would take my chance and quit tomorrow. I refuse to go to a temp agency or anything like that. I know...beggars can't be choosers. But I am still at that point where I can be that picky. 


I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I don't want to face people. I don't know if my other co-workers even know. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to even think about it. I know that all I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father for strength and faith to make the right decision. I just feel like I am trapped without a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 


Thanks for listening to me rant. Things will be ok, my marriage will be fine and I will find another job...eventually. I ask for any positive energy and prayers that can be spared.