Still Here

so...I am a slacker. I have been really bad about blogging this summer. there has been so much going on and I did not have my camera with me.

i will be back to blogging regularly next week. I promise!

3 Years and Counting

June 13, 2008


Three years ago today, or tomorrow, however you want to look at it,
I married my best friend. It was a Friday the 13th.
We were sealed for time and all eternity in the Bountiful Temple
by none other that President Mac Christensen,
but better known as Mr Mac, the suit guy.

It was a perfect June day. The weather was beautiful and warm,
but not too warm. There was a slight breeze and only a few
clouds in the sky. Mark Eubank from KSL Weather
assured me that the weather would cooperate with my outside
reception plans and the rest of the weekend.

It was such a calm day...and yet I don't remember a whole lot about it.
I think that's normal for brides.
But I do remember a few key things from that day.
I remember that Mike and I promised to love and support each other
and to sustain one another for all of eternity.
We promised not to judge each other, at least for the first year.
We promised before friends and family, on both sides of the veil,
that we would strive to be an eternal family. 

The Wedding Party

Three years later, we are still working on those things.

We are working on patience and understanding 

and trying not to judge each other.

Mike and I have grown so much since that day

And I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for a husband that loves and supports me.

He does everything he can to support out little family.

Mike reminds me often about the blessings we have 

and how lucky we are. 

He known how to calm me down when I freak out

and make me laugh when I am down.

Thank you for the past three years honey! 

I can honestly say I love you more

today than I did then.

And that was a heck of a lot!

My superhero!

Gotta Have Faith!

I can't believe it's been this long since I have updated this blog. A lot has happened. 

First of all, I did end up staying at my job and taking the other position. While it hasn't been the most awesome thing ever, I am so thankful that I have a job and a steady income. I will go into more of this later. 

Back in May, my sister-in-law, Jenn, and I did the Race for the Cure 2011. What an amazing 

experience it is every time I go. 

This was us at the finish line at The Gateway in downtown SLC. There were about 17,000-ish people that did the race this year and so it took a while to get to the starting and finish line. 

Now, Jenn and I are not ones to cry and really emote those kinds of feelings. So Jenn was miming how we were feeling on the inside. Seeing so many people there to support this cause was brilliant.

This was my FAVORITE! This little girl was about 4-5 years old and was the cutest thing ever!

Everyone was stopping her to compliment her on the shirt her mommy made her. Her mommy, who is holding her hand, was there as a cancer surviver. 

We also made a video as we went along to give our take on the event. Once I can get that edited, it will be posted. It will be the first ever Still Standing Vlog. 

Today I want to talk a little about faith. That is our theme this month in Primary. But it has also been a deep internal subject for me as of late. For the past three years, especially, I have had my faith tried. My faith in the Lord, in the Gospel, in other people and even myself has been tested at every turn. 

When Mike and I first got married, we went through a lot. Mike had a heart attack two months after the wedding. This meant he was unemployed and sick for almost a year. We were strapped financially. We had issues communicating. I didn't know what he wanted from our marriage, and honestly, I didn't know what I wanted out of our marriage. It was not what I has imagined married life to be. I don't blame my husband for that. I think I just had a preconceived notion of what was supposed to happen when you got married. 

My faith was tested when we tried to pay tithing. It was tried when we had to pay rent every month. It was tried when I was deciding whether or not to keep my end of the marriage bargains. But the things that were constantly there to remind me was the love of a good family, the love of a devoted husband, and the love of a Heavenly Father that would not waiver. Our parents stepped in and helped us however they could.  Our bishop was always checking up on us. Somehow, by the grace of God, we made it through that first year.

Things are a lot better then they were two years ago. Mike has a job. I am still employed. Our love for each other has grown so much. However, our faith is still tested. I guess it always will be. 

We are still trying to get back on our feet, financially. Mike is looking for a better job, but as everyone knows, the economy is still trying to recover. He is trying to get into school, but that's another area that keeps getting blocked at every turn. My car, the malibu, has been broken down for a year. We can't afford to get it fixed, registered and so on. But, we do have Mike's car and that thing has been a life saver. 

There are still times where it feels like it would be easier to just give up and stop trying. 

However, it's moments like the ones in Primary today that remind me that these trials are only temporary. 

Watching these children with their innocent and unwaivering faith and understanding of this concept reminded me that it's time to stand up, pull up my big girl panties and move on. When asked how to strengthen their faith, the kids gave the traditional Sunday School answers - Pray, Read your scriptures and go to Church. 

Aren't those the answers to so many questions in life?

By praying, you are developing a relationship with Heavenly Father. He knows us and knows everything we need, think and feel. But, we don't know all of that about Him. I have spent countless times praying, begging, pleading with the Lord to bless me with the things I think I need. In my mind, they are innocent necessities in life that will make other aspects of life better. But I guess I don't see the whole picture. Patience is a virtue that I STRUGGLE with. I want things done now and done the way I think they should be. Learning patience is what will be my life long trial.

Reading the scriptures is something that I have not always had the best habit of doing. I need to get back into that habit. Since I have gotten my new phone, I can listed to internet radio on it while I work. I like to listen to a station that plays hymns all the time. The messages that I get from the hymns and scriptures reminds me that it's all been done before. The trials that people have are the same trials that have been around since Eve ate the fruit. They are just presented in new fashions now. My issues are not unique and new. But how I choose to handle them is what makes the difference. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

It's nice to be reminded of the basics after being out of Primary for so long. 

It then reminds me that with a little faith, anything is possible. 

Knowing what I know and knowing the truth, it makes it hard to continue to be frustrated and to complain. It can all be summed up by the titles of the songs I play for the children every week:

I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus

I know Heavenly Father Loves Me

Search, Ponder and Pray

I Am a Child of God

Faith is knowing the sun will rise

Love One Another

Give Said the Little Stream

Follow the Prophets

How basic, and yet, how powerful. I guess I will try another day. I will get on my knees again tonight, but this time with a reminder that "Faith Proceeds the Miracle."

Tough Stuff

Happy spring everyone!


I know, it snowed today here in SLC, but that's not unusual for this time of year. It has only been spring for a week so we'll have to deal with it.


So...sometimes, if not often, I see my blog as a way to put down my thoughts and feelings into words and try to purge negative energy so that I can have some peace and clarity. Lately...I have been feeling a little picked on. I know that there are those in the world who would look at me and say "Suck it up, Miss Fancy Pants!" My heart breaks for the people of Japan and the terrifying events that have turned into their reality instead of of nightmare. Their lives were literally turned upside down and they are striving so hard to clean up the mess, literally and figuratively, and get on with life. 


However, I am but a human and therefore have weaknesses. Call it self preservation or a pity party...that changes from hour to hour. But here goes cyber land!


Last Thursday, I was notified that my position was being dissolved. With that, my choice has been to move to another department or have two weeks to find another job. I was heart broken. I have worked at this company for 4 1/2 years and have devoted so much time and effort to it, all to be voted off the island. There have been so many red flags just blaring out that this was going to happen. Once again, they are stupid little things. My company hasn't been making bank like they have the past few years. Thanks to legislation passed by the federal government, Medicare has had to become a lot more stringent on their policies and pay outs. Therefore, we aren't making the money that we should right now because of the new DME policies. So, they started by making cuts in certain departments. Mine was the first.  


There are 5 people in my department...but I was cut. I could go on and on about how I feel this is unfair and because I have worked really hard to be there. I could say that it was a ploy to get me out or that certain people feel threatened by me as far as their job goes. But it doesn't do any good. The decision has been made and now I have to make my own: Do I stay and move back to the department I came from or blow that Popsicle stand?


If I choose to stay, I will move back to the department that made me want to stab people in the jaw and karate kick them in the crotchal area. The whole tone of the office is different and I would be going back to my old job. I didn't want that job in the first place. The problem is? I know the job and can do it with little re-training. 


I am thankful that I have been given a choice to actually stay where I am and still have a job. My pay won't be affected much and my hours would stay the same. I just feel like the kid that no one wants on their team, but they pick me because they kind of have to. And the best part of this? I have to let them know by tomorrow morning. 


I haven't been back to work since Thursday. I cried all the way home then. I cried to my husband and then went and cried to my parents. I received a wonderful blessing from my father saying that things will work out and to have faith. Mike has been trying to be supportive, but he blames himself for not having a better job so that I can just quit. Needless to say, there have been some not so friendly words about the situation. 


So...do I stay or do I go? I have been looking for another job for about a month now but have only gotten rejection letters. If I had a prospect, I would take my chance and quit tomorrow. I refuse to go to a temp agency or anything like that. I know...beggars can't be choosers. But I am still at that point where I can be that picky. 


I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I don't want to face people. I don't know if my other co-workers even know. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to even think about it. I know that all I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father for strength and faith to make the right decision. I just feel like I am trapped without a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 


Thanks for listening to me rant. Things will be ok, my marriage will be fine and I will find another job...eventually. I ask for any positive energy and prayers that can be spared.

Homesick

11 years ago, I decided that I was going to take a 

leap of faith and go to a small town community college. 

I had only been to Price in passing while going to and coming home

from the red rocks of Moab.

I had been through Spanish Fork Canyon and
on Highway 6

several times on the way to and from good old

girls camp at Camp Timberlane.

And after talking to my friend, Sandra, I made the trip to check out

the College of Eastern Utah. Little did I know 

that this decision would alter my life's path forever.

(Not to be over dramatic or anything...but it's true!)

Going away to school was terrifying for me. My senior year of high school

took me to New York, Chicago, San Fransisco and Disneyland. I had stood

on the coasts of both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

I had finally made it in Madrigals and as the lead in the school musical.

Along with that, I was also the Editor-in-Chief of the school paper.

Journalism was my game and I was going to succeed. 

I had friends and family that I didn't want to leave.

I finally had two nieces, a nephew and another nephew on the way.

But I knew I needed to go.

That first semester of school was rough. I had a lot of demons to fight on my own.

I had to rely very heavily on faith.

I almost didn't return after Thanksgiving.

The mere thought brought me to tears all the way back to Price.

I am pretty sure that if my parents 

could have had their way, I would have come home, 

gone to SLCC and go on anti-depressants.

But that was not to be what happened.

The next semester would change everything.

My new friends had me move in with them.

I became an editor of the newspaper.

My new theatre friends invited me to hang out with
 "The Group."

I met a VERY cute boy and was on the crew for a play.

After that, I made it in the musical.

I dated that boy, briefly,
and made another very good friend.

I didn't want to semester to end.

The next year was beyond amazing.

I had a place to be, a place where I belonged.

4 shows, my first Shakespeare roll.

Editor of the school paper and more new friends.

Graduation was very hard.

Now, I didn't want to leave.

Transferring to the University of Utah was twice as hard as that first semester at CEU.

Though I met my best friend, the other half of my brain,

it wasn't the same.

It took some time before I could go back to Price.

I was homesick.

I no longer had a place where I belonged.

Here came another round of heart break and depression

and some very poor choices.

But I survived and graduated.

When I did finally start to go back to see my friends in Price,

I met the new kids.

They became my friends as well.

I even ended up marrying one of them.

Who cares that there is a 5 year age difference?

Not me.

Last Sunday, the Ex-Patriots of CEU

converged on our "Mom and Dad's" house to watch the Oscars.

As I walked into the Ewan household, 

I felt at home again.

Mom was there to greet me with a hug and a kiss,

as well as all the kids that has suddenly grown up.

There we were,

talking, laughing, making fun of each other.

I didn't make it downstairs to see the Oscars.

There was too much fun being had in the kitchen.

Then Dad came home.

The family was together again.

Love and encouragement flowed

like the many cans of Pepsi that were drunk.

And we met some more kids,

and again, they became my friends.

I love that my husband understands all of this.

He was there as well.

We both talk about how much we miss the Ewans

and the simple times we both had at CEU.

Once again, I am homesick.

Not for school work or classes,

but for the fun times that only a bunch of actors 

and tech-ies can understand.

It amazes me that as much as
I didn't want to stay in Price,

I think about it all the time.

It's been 9 years since I was a student there,

But seeing my theatre family on Sunday

makes me feel like I never left.

A little late, but...

Dear friends,

I give to you CHRISTMAS SHOES 2010

Here are pictures of my creation. I call it "Birds of Winter":

Yes...there are feathers, a bird in a bird's nest and silver ribbon. The white wings were made from some mini angel wings I found at the Hobby Lobby. The doves are from the wedding section. 

I had some fun.

And now, I give you my mom's creation, 

which I have named

"A Kardashian Christmas"

I saw these shoes and immediately thought  about one of the Kardashian sisters wearing these to a Christmas party. Had they been in my size, I would have considered wearing them myself.

It's amazing what some hot glue and a trip to the craft store can do.

My top 10 list of Christmas Songs that must GO!!!

Merry Christmas friends! As Christmas is just a week away, I thought I would share a list of Christmas Songs that need to go. I have been posting these on my Facebook page, but I thought for kicks and giggles, I would share them here. I will post the honorable mentions next week, and trust me...they are as good as these songs are!


#10 - Santa Clause is Coming to Town - Is Santa the ultimate stalker? After all, he knows when you are sleeping, and he knows when you are awake!

#9 - Jingle Bells – Another song about a long time tradition of a guy’s “ride” getting stuck, or running out of gas. Poor Ms. Fanny Bright fell for this trick and they ended up making out until someone came to help them. Turns out, they were never stuck.

#8 - Frosty the Snowman - A snowman is brought to life with use of a magical top hat given to a group of children by Christine O’Donnell, the Tea Party candidate for the 2010 elections, who also claim to be a Wiccan. The hat was given special power by the use of witch craft.

#7 - We Wish You a Merry Christmas – An old tool used by robbers to get people to open their homes. The trick is to get the home owners to agree to bring you some Figgie pudding. When they go to get it, grab the loot and book it. After all, who really even likes Figgie pudding?

#6 -I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause – A child’s introduction to the idea of an extra marital affair and the consequences that follow. I don’t think Daddy laughed when he saw Mommy kissing Santa because that wasn’t Santa. That was the neighbor, Mr. Stevens, who had grown his beard out. Instead, Daddy was sent to jail for a very long time and the kids had to go live with Grandma.

#5 - Bring Your Torch, Jeanette Isabella – Who the hell is Jeanette Isabella and what is a French woman doing in Bethlehem during that time? The French weren’t even a country yet, let alone a power house in world politics. She had to run pretty damn far to make it to Bethlehem with a torch still lit. What was she? An Olympian? And apparently she was really loud if they had to keep telling her to hush!

#4 - Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer -  A song about the racist bastard Santa who would only be nice to the little guy when his career was on the line.

#3 - Baby, It’s Cold Outside – The earliest song known to man about a date rape drug by putting a roofie in someone’s drink. It’s only when it’s too late that the young lady asks “Hey, what’s in this drink?”

# 2 - Do You Hear What I Hear? – The story of a poor boy with schizophrenia that talks to inanimate objects. The song ends before the king orders the execution of the child for disrupting court.

#1 Christmas Song that must go= Christmas Shoes – One of the cruelest songs of the season. A little boy sent to fetch his mom some shoes that she can wear when she dies meets Jesus. While the boy was at the store, Mommy had seizures and the cancer finally got the best of her. The boy comes back with ugly shoes for his dead mother. Sorry son, your momma don’t need no shoe…she dead.

This list was not made to offend. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday next to Halloween. So please, enjoy!