Tough Stuff

Happy spring everyone!


I know, it snowed today here in SLC, but that's not unusual for this time of year. It has only been spring for a week so we'll have to deal with it.


So...sometimes, if not often, I see my blog as a way to put down my thoughts and feelings into words and try to purge negative energy so that I can have some peace and clarity. Lately...I have been feeling a little picked on. I know that there are those in the world who would look at me and say "Suck it up, Miss Fancy Pants!" My heart breaks for the people of Japan and the terrifying events that have turned into their reality instead of of nightmare. Their lives were literally turned upside down and they are striving so hard to clean up the mess, literally and figuratively, and get on with life. 


However, I am but a human and therefore have weaknesses. Call it self preservation or a pity party...that changes from hour to hour. But here goes cyber land!


Last Thursday, I was notified that my position was being dissolved. With that, my choice has been to move to another department or have two weeks to find another job. I was heart broken. I have worked at this company for 4 1/2 years and have devoted so much time and effort to it, all to be voted off the island. There have been so many red flags just blaring out that this was going to happen. Once again, they are stupid little things. My company hasn't been making bank like they have the past few years. Thanks to legislation passed by the federal government, Medicare has had to become a lot more stringent on their policies and pay outs. Therefore, we aren't making the money that we should right now because of the new DME policies. So, they started by making cuts in certain departments. Mine was the first.  


There are 5 people in my department...but I was cut. I could go on and on about how I feel this is unfair and because I have worked really hard to be there. I could say that it was a ploy to get me out or that certain people feel threatened by me as far as their job goes. But it doesn't do any good. The decision has been made and now I have to make my own: Do I stay and move back to the department I came from or blow that Popsicle stand?


If I choose to stay, I will move back to the department that made me want to stab people in the jaw and karate kick them in the crotchal area. The whole tone of the office is different and I would be going back to my old job. I didn't want that job in the first place. The problem is? I know the job and can do it with little re-training. 


I am thankful that I have been given a choice to actually stay where I am and still have a job. My pay won't be affected much and my hours would stay the same. I just feel like the kid that no one wants on their team, but they pick me because they kind of have to. And the best part of this? I have to let them know by tomorrow morning. 


I haven't been back to work since Thursday. I cried all the way home then. I cried to my husband and then went and cried to my parents. I received a wonderful blessing from my father saying that things will work out and to have faith. Mike has been trying to be supportive, but he blames himself for not having a better job so that I can just quit. Needless to say, there have been some not so friendly words about the situation. 


So...do I stay or do I go? I have been looking for another job for about a month now but have only gotten rejection letters. If I had a prospect, I would take my chance and quit tomorrow. I refuse to go to a temp agency or anything like that. I know...beggars can't be choosers. But I am still at that point where I can be that picky. 


I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I don't want to face people. I don't know if my other co-workers even know. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to even think about it. I know that all I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father for strength and faith to make the right decision. I just feel like I am trapped without a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 


Thanks for listening to me rant. Things will be ok, my marriage will be fine and I will find another job...eventually. I ask for any positive energy and prayers that can be spared.

Homesick

11 years ago, I decided that I was going to take a 

leap of faith and go to a small town community college. 

I had only been to Price in passing while going to and coming home

from the red rocks of Moab.

I had been through Spanish Fork Canyon and
on Highway 6

several times on the way to and from good old

girls camp at Camp Timberlane.

And after talking to my friend, Sandra, I made the trip to check out

the College of Eastern Utah. Little did I know 

that this decision would alter my life's path forever.

(Not to be over dramatic or anything...but it's true!)

Going away to school was terrifying for me. My senior year of high school

took me to New York, Chicago, San Fransisco and Disneyland. I had stood

on the coasts of both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

I had finally made it in Madrigals and as the lead in the school musical.

Along with that, I was also the Editor-in-Chief of the school paper.

Journalism was my game and I was going to succeed. 

I had friends and family that I didn't want to leave.

I finally had two nieces, a nephew and another nephew on the way.

But I knew I needed to go.

That first semester of school was rough. I had a lot of demons to fight on my own.

I had to rely very heavily on faith.

I almost didn't return after Thanksgiving.

The mere thought brought me to tears all the way back to Price.

I am pretty sure that if my parents 

could have had their way, I would have come home, 

gone to SLCC and go on anti-depressants.

But that was not to be what happened.

The next semester would change everything.

My new friends had me move in with them.

I became an editor of the newspaper.

My new theatre friends invited me to hang out with
 "The Group."

I met a VERY cute boy and was on the crew for a play.

After that, I made it in the musical.

I dated that boy, briefly,
and made another very good friend.

I didn't want to semester to end.

The next year was beyond amazing.

I had a place to be, a place where I belonged.

4 shows, my first Shakespeare roll.

Editor of the school paper and more new friends.

Graduation was very hard.

Now, I didn't want to leave.

Transferring to the University of Utah was twice as hard as that first semester at CEU.

Though I met my best friend, the other half of my brain,

it wasn't the same.

It took some time before I could go back to Price.

I was homesick.

I no longer had a place where I belonged.

Here came another round of heart break and depression

and some very poor choices.

But I survived and graduated.

When I did finally start to go back to see my friends in Price,

I met the new kids.

They became my friends as well.

I even ended up marrying one of them.

Who cares that there is a 5 year age difference?

Not me.

Last Sunday, the Ex-Patriots of CEU

converged on our "Mom and Dad's" house to watch the Oscars.

As I walked into the Ewan household, 

I felt at home again.

Mom was there to greet me with a hug and a kiss,

as well as all the kids that has suddenly grown up.

There we were,

talking, laughing, making fun of each other.

I didn't make it downstairs to see the Oscars.

There was too much fun being had in the kitchen.

Then Dad came home.

The family was together again.

Love and encouragement flowed

like the many cans of Pepsi that were drunk.

And we met some more kids,

and again, they became my friends.

I love that my husband understands all of this.

He was there as well.

We both talk about how much we miss the Ewans

and the simple times we both had at CEU.

Once again, I am homesick.

Not for school work or classes,

but for the fun times that only a bunch of actors 

and tech-ies can understand.

It amazes me that as much as
I didn't want to stay in Price,

I think about it all the time.

It's been 9 years since I was a student there,

But seeing my theatre family on Sunday

makes me feel like I never left.

A little late, but...

Dear friends,

I give to you CHRISTMAS SHOES 2010

Here are pictures of my creation. I call it "Birds of Winter":

Yes...there are feathers, a bird in a bird's nest and silver ribbon. The white wings were made from some mini angel wings I found at the Hobby Lobby. The doves are from the wedding section. 

I had some fun.

And now, I give you my mom's creation, 

which I have named

"A Kardashian Christmas"

I saw these shoes and immediately thought  about one of the Kardashian sisters wearing these to a Christmas party. Had they been in my size, I would have considered wearing them myself.

It's amazing what some hot glue and a trip to the craft store can do.

My top 10 list of Christmas Songs that must GO!!!

Merry Christmas friends! As Christmas is just a week away, I thought I would share a list of Christmas Songs that need to go. I have been posting these on my Facebook page, but I thought for kicks and giggles, I would share them here. I will post the honorable mentions next week, and trust me...they are as good as these songs are!


#10 - Santa Clause is Coming to Town - Is Santa the ultimate stalker? After all, he knows when you are sleeping, and he knows when you are awake!

#9 - Jingle Bells – Another song about a long time tradition of a guy’s “ride” getting stuck, or running out of gas. Poor Ms. Fanny Bright fell for this trick and they ended up making out until someone came to help them. Turns out, they were never stuck.

#8 - Frosty the Snowman - A snowman is brought to life with use of a magical top hat given to a group of children by Christine O’Donnell, the Tea Party candidate for the 2010 elections, who also claim to be a Wiccan. The hat was given special power by the use of witch craft.

#7 - We Wish You a Merry Christmas – An old tool used by robbers to get people to open their homes. The trick is to get the home owners to agree to bring you some Figgie pudding. When they go to get it, grab the loot and book it. After all, who really even likes Figgie pudding?

#6 -I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause – A child’s introduction to the idea of an extra marital affair and the consequences that follow. I don’t think Daddy laughed when he saw Mommy kissing Santa because that wasn’t Santa. That was the neighbor, Mr. Stevens, who had grown his beard out. Instead, Daddy was sent to jail for a very long time and the kids had to go live with Grandma.

#5 - Bring Your Torch, Jeanette Isabella – Who the hell is Jeanette Isabella and what is a French woman doing in Bethlehem during that time? The French weren’t even a country yet, let alone a power house in world politics. She had to run pretty damn far to make it to Bethlehem with a torch still lit. What was she? An Olympian? And apparently she was really loud if they had to keep telling her to hush!

#4 - Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer -  A song about the racist bastard Santa who would only be nice to the little guy when his career was on the line.

#3 - Baby, It’s Cold Outside – The earliest song known to man about a date rape drug by putting a roofie in someone’s drink. It’s only when it’s too late that the young lady asks “Hey, what’s in this drink?”

# 2 - Do You Hear What I Hear? – The story of a poor boy with schizophrenia that talks to inanimate objects. The song ends before the king orders the execution of the child for disrupting court.

#1 Christmas Song that must go= Christmas Shoes – One of the cruelest songs of the season. A little boy sent to fetch his mom some shoes that she can wear when she dies meets Jesus. While the boy was at the store, Mommy had seizures and the cancer finally got the best of her. The boy comes back with ugly shoes for his dead mother. Sorry son, your momma don’t need no shoe…she dead.

This list was not made to offend. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday next to Halloween. So please, enjoy!

Only 19 days and 23 hours...

...Until Christmas! For the first time in a few years, I am very much looking forward to Christmas. Since Mike and I got married, Christmas has been a very stressful time of year. Mainly, it is all because of finances. Because of the medical bills that we have been trying to pay off for over two years, money has been tight. But this year, while money is still tight, it's not as bad as it was even a year ago. The Lord has blessed us beyond belief and I am so grateful for that. But I will get to that on another post.

In the meantime, it's officially Christmas time. We have had plenty of snow thus far and the air is as smoggy as can be...which means Winter is here in Utah. We even have done a little Christmas shopping so far, and I am one lucky girl. Let's just say my husband is treating me more and more like a "Princess" as time goes on. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!)

So last night, while Mike was playing a gig with his band, Molly Drive, my sister, Wendi, came over and helped my get my tree up. Our apartment is starting to look more like a home all the time. 

This year, I decided to go with the blue and white colors and I am very glad that I did. Wandi Loo did a wonderful job decorating and making the tree look wonderful!

I am pretty sure you can guess who's stocking is whose...and no, the pink stocking is not Mike's. Thank you to my sister in law, Amber, for the cute stocking hooks. Since we don't have a fireplace, the TV will work just as well.

This will be our 2nd Christmas on Center Street and I am so excited. I am so thankful that we are here and not in our old Avenues home...even if it was perfect for Halloween!

Thanksgiving Fun!

(The view from my front door)

Happy Thanksgiving my friends! I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend and ate plenty of yummy food. This year was full of all sorts of stuff and it's hard to believe it's all over. As I sit here on my couch in the front room, I am watching the snow fall and listening to the Peaceful Christmas station on Pandora and wrapped up in a blanket. Mike is sleeping and I am finally alone with my thoughts about the weekend and the month to come. I have absolutely loved this past week and I am so sad that I have to go back to regular life tomorrow. 

So, to recap the last week, I think I will go day by day. As I said, there were many things that happened:

Monday - Nov 22nd - This was a regular day at work. Everyone in the office had some issues with focusing on work and was very excited for the holiday. After work, Mike and I went grocery shopping. It was a little hectic and I got pretty frazzled, but once it was over, there were only three things I had forgotten to get for Thanksgiving. Not bad!

Tuesday - Nov 23rd - I got to work that day and found out that there was a blizzard warning out for Northern Utah for the afternoon into the next day. There was supposed to be high wind and tons of snow. The worst part was that the storm was supposed to hit just before rush hour that evening. The news stations made a big deal out of it and we were all starting to get a little worried. I am so thankful that I only life less than a mile away from work, but I knew that traffic was still going to be bad. At about 3 pm, we were all sent home. I got home and bundled up and was ready for the storm. The storm hit at about 6...and lasted for about an hour. It continued to snow...a little...but the winds died down as quick as they came. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. Mike had decided that he wanted to start learning how to bake and was going to start with a pumpkin pie. He found a good recipe for the crust and the filling, and very carefully followed the directions. When he had completed the first test pie and I took a bite, I realized that something was missing. Oh yes, it was the sugar. He was so devastated that he had forgotten, it was almost kind of sad. So I told him we would try again the next day. 

Wednesday - Nov 23rd -  I had decided to take the day off, and luckily, Mike got the day off as well. We woke up to freezing temps and about four inches of snow. At about 11, I ventured out to the store to pick up the last minute items for Thanksgiving. It took me longer to scrape the car and clear the windows than it did to  get to the store, get my stuff and get home. It was VERY cold. The high for the day was 16 degrees. Yeah, it wasn't right! After that, I came home, got ready, and went to my parent's house to visit with them and my cute Grandma Johnson.

(Me and Grandma Johnson at Andy's wedding, Jan 2010)

My grandma is one of the coolest people I know. This was the third time that she has come down for Thanksgiving and we have all had so much fun. I really enjoyed just sitting and visiting with her. She is very coherent and lively for being 83. She still lives on her own and is doing great. We all had a good time laughing and teasing and just enjoying each other. That evening, when I left my parent's house to go back home, I took this picture of my car's temp gage:

That's right friends...it was a whole 5 degrees in Herriman! This is not normal weather for Utah in November and so it was a little nippy! Thankfully, my husband's car has heated seats, so my bum stayed warm all the way home. That night, we decided to try a pie again. This time, it turned out much better!

Thursday - Nov 24th - Thanksgiving Day! 

The big day had finally arrived. We got up that morning and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This is a yearly tradition for me, especially since I went to New York and have been to that Macy's. It was a fun parade. After that, I took a little nap, then got up and got ready for the day. 

Thanksgiving was at my sister Amy's house again this year. There were so many yummy things to eat and it was fun to see everyone. Jack and I played Buzz Lightyear for a while and then he played with Mike for a bit. 

The pie was a HUGE success. Everyone loved it and congratulated Mike for his good work. I sat back and gave him all the credit, even though I may or may not have stepped in and helped. But that's ok! (Wink, wink!)

Friday - Nov 25th - The Day After!

This day was pretty laid back and a little warmer then the two previous days. I spent more time at my parent's house with my grandma. We had another mini Thanksgiving dinner and decorated the house for Christmas. Well...I watched with Grandma while the house was being decorated. I love going to my parent's house at Christmas time with all of the decorations. It reminds me of my childhood and the good times we had each Christmas. It also made me miss the house I grew up in back in West Valley. My parents sold it just after I got married, so it wasn't too long ago.

Sat - Nov 26th - Cleaning Day!

We finally got the house put back together after all the baking that was done. We made one more pie to give to Mike's parents and called it good. We were able to have dinner with all of Mike's family, including his brother, Dave, and his family. Dave has been in San Diego since March. He is a Marine and his convoy was hit by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan back in February. His right leg was shattered and he was pretty bruised up. Luckily, he is doing very well and come home quite often. He is doing physical therapy as well as psychological counseling.

After that, it was back to my parent's house for fun and games. I was introduced to the game Farkle. I am totally addicted now. 

Today was a peaceful Sunday and we have been home, watching the snow since after church. Now as I sit here, I realize how blessed and lucky I really am. I have a family who loves me, I have a husband that is my partner and best friend. I have many friends who are just amazing, and I have the Savior and his love in my life. I am a lucky little girl. 

So...what are you thankful for? 

 

My Thoughts On the Subject

I have had several things on my mind as of late. One of the most pressing and difficult thoughts I have had is how I really feel about all the nonsense in the media about Mormons and Homosexuals. This is a subject that has been a very delicate subject for me to address and think about. With all of the comments on forums, newsroom chats and Facebook, there have been so many ideas and views shared, some full of acceptance, some full of ignorance and some full of just plain hate. So, in an attempt to try and figure out exactly how I feel, I will write out my thoughts. Please don't judge me for my beliefs and ideas. I am but human and therefore can't see the whole picture of the grand plan.


So...like many Mormons, I too was watching General Conference two weekends ago. And I too heard the talk that Pres. Packer gave on Pornography. I did not, however, hear a talk about hate and discrimination. It brought up some interesting questions, like why would our Heavenly Father implant the roots of homosexual feelings if He knows it is a sin? Why would He want us to suffer by choosing to live that lifestyle?


I guess I should just cut to the chase. I don't know why some people are gay and others are straight. I don't know why some people are tall and others are short. While they are two different subjects, it still shows that there are somethings that we just don't know. I also don't know why some people actually CHOOSE to be homosexual. But I also don't know why some people are faced with handicaps, be they physical or mental. I don't know why some people struggle with alcohol and others with drugs. The only one who KNOWS the whys and why not's is our Heavenly Father. We have no room to judge. When it comes down to it, the Lord knows our hearts and will be there to help us at the day of judgement. We will all have things to answer for and things to pay for. No one will leave this life unscathed. 


I don't care if you are gay or straight. I have many friends that are gay. I love them just as much as I love my other friends and family. They are good people and want nothing but to live by the good old fashion Golden Rule. I want them to be happy. Everyone deserves to find love and to be loved. I believe that a person can be gay and still hold a temple recommend.  What what? You say... How can this be?! Here's how...you can be attracted to members of the opposite sex, but you can also choose whether to act on it or not. Would it be hard not to act on that? You betcha! Is it do-able? Yes. I know many homosexual Mormons that have decided that keeping the commandments and living in accordance with the teachings of the gospel is more important to them then acting on their tendencies.  And they are loved and accepted members of their wards and families. 


I believe that homosexual couples should have the right to a civil union and the rights associated with that. Now, to call it marriage would be incorrect, only because of the actual definition of the word marriage. 

• Marriage:  
  The formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife

(Thank you, Google Dictionary!) 

Now, before we get up in arms about this, I do believe that homosexuality is not natural. When it comes to procreating and populating the Earth, there are two things that must be in order for this to happen. You need an egg and a sperm. They need to meet, come together, and the Big Bang Theory occurs again. When there are two members of the same sex that come together, the ability to naturally create life is gone. This is the most basic reason as to why same sex attraction is not natural. In the temple, and in many church-officiated weddings, the couple is commanded to go forth and replenish the Earth. Homosexual couples cannot keep this commandment because together they cannot procreate. Therefore, they cannot have an eternal marriage and be sealed in the temple. This is why many religious groups condemn homosexuality. It's a slight kink in the natural circle of life. Now, I don't want to go into how many couples these days have fertility issues and can't get pregnant on their own. That's not the point here. The point here is that a heterosexual couple have a higher chance of procreating naturally than a homosexual couple. 

Do I believe that the LDS church should conform and change their doctrine to appease the masses? ABSOLUTELY NOT! And you know what? They never will. They are never going to change their stance on homosexuality. They aren't. It's not going to happen. They are not like the Vatican. Just saying! And I'm glad that they won't. The gospel won't change and that kind of consistency is part of why I believe in this church. 

Will they try to teach more love in tolerance? Yes. They already are. We have been told to love our neighbors, love our families and to be kind to EVERYONE! If you have a homosexual child, you are told to love them and help them in anyway, not to hate them and disown them. More and more church leaders are teaching love and respect. They are still our brothers and sisters and need to be treated as such. 

With all this being said, I also need to say STOP BLAMING THE MORMONS FOR PROP 8! Would you like to know that majority of people who voted for it? Old Southern Baptist Women. They were the majority. Not the Mormons. Get over yourselves. Stop coming to Utah to protest. We couldn't vote in the CALIFORNIA election. It's not our fault. Learn your facts and get over it. MORMONS DON'T HATE THE GAYS! 

Thank you for letting me get this out. I think I have worked through my issues and know where I stand now. I will follow what the leaders of my church tell me, but I also will do what the Lord whispers into my heart, because at the end of the day, I will only have to answer to Him.