Tough Stuff

Happy spring everyone!


I know, it snowed today here in SLC, but that's not unusual for this time of year. It has only been spring for a week so we'll have to deal with it.


So...sometimes, if not often, I see my blog as a way to put down my thoughts and feelings into words and try to purge negative energy so that I can have some peace and clarity. Lately...I have been feeling a little picked on. I know that there are those in the world who would look at me and say "Suck it up, Miss Fancy Pants!" My heart breaks for the people of Japan and the terrifying events that have turned into their reality instead of of nightmare. Their lives were literally turned upside down and they are striving so hard to clean up the mess, literally and figuratively, and get on with life. 


However, I am but a human and therefore have weaknesses. Call it self preservation or a pity party...that changes from hour to hour. But here goes cyber land!


Last Thursday, I was notified that my position was being dissolved. With that, my choice has been to move to another department or have two weeks to find another job. I was heart broken. I have worked at this company for 4 1/2 years and have devoted so much time and effort to it, all to be voted off the island. There have been so many red flags just blaring out that this was going to happen. Once again, they are stupid little things. My company hasn't been making bank like they have the past few years. Thanks to legislation passed by the federal government, Medicare has had to become a lot more stringent on their policies and pay outs. Therefore, we aren't making the money that we should right now because of the new DME policies. So, they started by making cuts in certain departments. Mine was the first.  


There are 5 people in my department...but I was cut. I could go on and on about how I feel this is unfair and because I have worked really hard to be there. I could say that it was a ploy to get me out or that certain people feel threatened by me as far as their job goes. But it doesn't do any good. The decision has been made and now I have to make my own: Do I stay and move back to the department I came from or blow that Popsicle stand?


If I choose to stay, I will move back to the department that made me want to stab people in the jaw and karate kick them in the crotchal area. The whole tone of the office is different and I would be going back to my old job. I didn't want that job in the first place. The problem is? I know the job and can do it with little re-training. 


I am thankful that I have been given a choice to actually stay where I am and still have a job. My pay won't be affected much and my hours would stay the same. I just feel like the kid that no one wants on their team, but they pick me because they kind of have to. And the best part of this? I have to let them know by tomorrow morning. 


I haven't been back to work since Thursday. I cried all the way home then. I cried to my husband and then went and cried to my parents. I received a wonderful blessing from my father saying that things will work out and to have faith. Mike has been trying to be supportive, but he blames himself for not having a better job so that I can just quit. Needless to say, there have been some not so friendly words about the situation. 


So...do I stay or do I go? I have been looking for another job for about a month now but have only gotten rejection letters. If I had a prospect, I would take my chance and quit tomorrow. I refuse to go to a temp agency or anything like that. I know...beggars can't be choosers. But I am still at that point where I can be that picky. 


I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I don't want to face people. I don't know if my other co-workers even know. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to even think about it. I know that all I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father for strength and faith to make the right decision. I just feel like I am trapped without a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 


Thanks for listening to me rant. Things will be ok, my marriage will be fine and I will find another job...eventually. I ask for any positive energy and prayers that can be spared.